Deep

A heaven of happiness is often followed by a load of unhappiness. This is the reality of life. After a very long time , i enjoyed myself. For 3 plenty days no stress , no high emotions. Away from home , from disgusting people , away from people who hurt me , away from all bitches and bastards and fuckers. In other words , it was peace. To be in the middle of the ocean and surrounded by nothing but just the sun , sea , and me. A world where i was completely lost in peace and happiness. Just when i was about to take in 100% of it , of it ended. The 3 days passed really fast. When i was back , i knew it. In my mind it was running . God gave me happiness. However , to face the consequences of happiness he will give a load of sorrows and unhapiness. As expected it happened. In the 2 days that i have returned everything that my instincts told me happened. No doubt , i wake up in the morning and the first thought on my mind is ; smth bad is going to happen. I have been facing sorrows , problems and shit for the past 2 years. To add on to this problems i am homeless. That is what breaks me apart. Most of the time i spurr because the feeling of being homeless is toturing. Now , that i have finally got a place in university ; i am going for it. I am not 100% sure about it. But i am going to give it a try. Just to get away from all the pressures and stress and burden. To give my mind a totally different area of concentration. Whether i like the course or not is not longer an option put forward for me. The truth is i have to do it. Even if i plan not to , i found that i am always returning to this path. As much as it is tiring , i feel like giving up. I always pray to pass away fast. I am not strong enough to handle all this shit . I know that. But somehow , i am still going on in life without a purpose , without a reason to live , without a strong urge to go forward in life and make full use of it. TIRED , UPSET , HURT , GIVING UP.

Don't hurt me with words

I choose to go out with who I want. Just because you don't like the person doesn't mean I must not go out with that person. Relations are becoming more of a pain the joy. Envy and jealousy are on the rise ; while understanding and interpreting correctly are on the low end. The world is filled with so much of fuckers and sinners ! I don't have the fucking need to report every single shit i do. Its my life , I choose the people who I want in my life and people whom I will stray far away from. Don't lose your words unnecessarily as what goes around comes around. Karma wont leave anyone alone. A world without fuckers doesn't exist. But a life with minimum fuckers can exist. You ppl keep damaging the respect and image I have for u with the words u using. it's not my bad , I feel the pain ; ultimate you will lose my r/s. I m not born to be a slave neither a nodding toy for you.

Happiness

I think I have lost the meaning of happiness. Feeling alone and empty even when there are people around.Ita easy to say ; it's your life and only you can find your way to happiness. Practically it's a little hard. Situations make it really difficult. I have been having the worst years of my life for the past 2-3 years. sometimes I even feel like ending it all. Running to death is pure cowardness. Thats the only thing that keeps me going. I smile , laugh ... but it's my way of hiding all those bits and pieces of emotions that I'm afraid I might slip out by chance. The meaning of a mother ; it's has no meaning if my life. I have so much of hatred , fustration and anger towards that word. I stopped using that word. I am angry with god that he gave me such a life ; but I'm appreciately that he didn't submerge me completely in pain and torture and well full of sadness. This feeling of emptiness; I don't know when it is going to kill me. I don't know how long more I have the energy to keep up. God if u had set a death date for me , I pray it's as early as possible. I find no meaning living this life.

Death and Rebirth

The passing on of my dearest uncle has not only given me a load of heartpain and grief , but has actually opened my eyes to the world of death , reincarnation and birth. By birth I am a Hindu. Hence I decided to read up on it. The book was really an eye opener. Things that we take in daily life for granted play so much of importance. shall not dwell to much into it as the details and information are already too much to digest. What awes me the most is ; the people . We human beings have slowly changed from people who live for others to a situation whereby people who are selfish and full of jealousy and ego. This "Mayee" blinds our heart , brain and prevents us from thinking and acting in the virtuous and upright way. This applies to most people. Majority. I am not generalizing the statement. evolution has changed people so much that we are all after money , greed , fame and pride. Sometimes we all fail to see the small portion of goodness that lies within us. that portion which can gives us 100 times more happiness back ; 10000 times more peace. When we die we bring nothing with us. not even a single 5 cents coin. then why do we hover over money like it is the ultimate achievement in life? Every religion has their own beliefs and rules. I like my religion because it doesn't restrict me. it allows me to pray to other religions and it never tells people from another religion to convert or stick to a single religion. The only single expection is not to eat beef. This is because the cow is considered holy in Hinduism. I also have a deep love for Buddhism. thou both are different yet have similar practices and believes; I think sincere praying is all that matters. It's hard ; we are in a period f life whereby we dont know if we are going to be alive tomorrow. Medical advancement has allowed humans beings to have a reduced physical pain , otherwise it doesnt mean u can extend your life by 10 over years. Ultimately the one who created you has the rights to take you back. The journey you need to take depends on the karma. the good deeds and sins of your past and present life. So maybe all that we can do is to accumulate merits and decrease on the sins we do in our current life.

Empty

Well.. there comes a period in life when u suddenly feel engulfed by loneliness..There are so many people around..yet u just feel this halo of loneliness always standing around you.. Friends ; without them life would be a sorrow.. they help to chase of the halo for a while.. but after sometime it gets back to square. Solutions ? Sometimes all you want is a person. The one person who knows everything abt you.. the real you. the person hiding behind the mask. But practically it's doesn't work. Everyone cheats, play truant , lies and all. No matter how good of a gem a person is , at some point of time in life they tend to fall with the negative sides. The saying no one is perfect fits well right here. Talking about god , I believe god is present. But for everything we ask from god, we will have to pay back for it. be it in good or bad ways. Life is a never ending circle. One where either u or willing to hold on and live or give up and die. While most people hang on , there are those who give up. For all those people who gave up.. I believe if they had someone strong and positive to standby them they would not have chosen to give up. This thus makes me very had willed to always be around people who are going to give up in life. All they need is alot of motivation , support , love and constant positivity. it takes time to change. but at least it can help to decrease their will of giving up. Instead let them say ; I want to try and see. I know it's going to be hard but I want to fight it and live up to the success. That spirit is enough to bring them way high up on life.

Earthquakes and Tsunami.. is the world heading towards end ?

There we hear again , 2 earthquakes in Indonesia , Aceh. Thank god it didn't trigger another tsunami which would have engulfed thousands of life with it. But it was very close. 8.9 and 9.1( to trigger tsunami) do not differ by much value , and fortunately it was a horizontal shift of plates causing a less probability of tsunami. To think of all the consequences and damages of another tsunami itself is simply painful. The heartpain , tears and endless yearning for their loved ones are not easy for people to handle. They said time heals all wounds , but it's more likely that wounds take time to heal. Alot of time.. According to the Mayans world is heading to the end in 2012. thou , it could be a false call it's seem rather serious this year. A pretty well analyzed statement by the experts. Mayans ; Genius people. Seriously the world today is working with the help of technology , the Mayans had done it all with their Intelligence , analysis and full of brain and hardwork. 100% credit has to be given to them. If the electric goes off our whole life is practically screwed. just imagine , no electricity - no power- no Internet - not technology - no manufacturing - no products - and list goes on. Well If it really marks the end of the world there isn't much we can say right. Adding on to the disasters is the sun waves. It has been getting worst and there is gg be a high probability the earth ozone layer and atmospheric layers are going to fail on us. Well its alrdy considered 1/2 failed due to the holes we have made in the ozone. My only point is , maybe take away the bad evil people and allow the good people to live on. Give them the strength to endure coz they really deserve this life as a human to fulfill all their desires , ambitions and hopes . Live in peace . serenity and Happiness. May the people in the world all
be blessed.. by god grace.

Teaching

I never really thought that teaching would be something I would want to pursue on as a professional career. Unexpectedly , I was shortlisted to attend a interview for selection of teachers. Weird , it was my last choice of preference in the University application choice. I still am unsure of what I should pursue as a degree to take the next step towards my life. well towards a life that I perhaps see and not what others see ?!. Well my interview is clashing with my trip.. pla story.. anyways I'm from a science background and I am really unsure if I should be a biomedical R&D or become a Teacher or become a pharmacist. Confused confused confused!